This week, 'Therapy Begins with T(ea)' steeps on why 'reframing' may not be helping your anxiety and offers a full body check-in to practice regulation skills that are effective in reducing anxiety.
Therapy Begins with T(ea) is a weekly newsletter based on the themes that come up in my sessions as a therapist who specializes in conflict & attachment in romantic relationships, shame & imposter syndrome, and our psychological relationships with money. Each week consists of a 'steep' in thought reflection, an accompanying body based check-in, and tea card intentions for the week to come. Its intended use is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment.
'Steep' in Thought (3-5 min)
Why Reframing doesn't help your anxiety
The concept of reframing is a popular one, in real life and on social media. Glass half empty or half full. ‘I have to’ versus ‘I get to.’ A challenge or an opportunity. An ending as the mark of a new chapter to begin. Cognitive reframing, which involves identifying and changing your thought patterns through new perspective taking, is a go-to suggestion for dealing with anxiety, but here’s why (and, more importantly, when) it doesn’t really help: we have to be thinking rationally in order to reframe and when we are anxious, when our nervous system is in a stressed, activated state, we’re just not able to.
When we’re activated, blood moves away from our brain and towards our torso to prepare for flight or flight. That means our cognitive abilities are a lot more limited, specifically our language centers and our pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for judgement & decision making, attention, time perception, and working memory...things we kind of need in order to think rationally.
Stop reframing, start regulating
Our inability to think rationally and, therefore, reframe in these moments is not due to lack of willpower; it’s because it’s not how our bodies are wired to navigate anxiety. So in order to get to a place where we can think rationally (to reframe or problem solve), we have to first prioritize our body’s sense of safety. We can use our breath, our senses, right-left movement, mindfulness, & curiosity (among other strategies) to help us down-regulate our nervous system. A regulated nervous system increases both our cognitive capacities and our ability to digest emotions, which is actually what we need to identify our triggers, process our fears, & navigate anxiety. So next time a tiktok promises to cure your anxiety through reframing or someone tells you you’re ‘too emotional’ and ‘just need to think more logically,’ remember this: it’s best to start with the body, not the brain.
If you want to practice down-regulating, try out this week’s fully body check-in.
Full Body Check-In (2-4 min)
Today, we’re going to do something different. We’re not going to focus on the breath; instead, let explore using our senses. Follow along & try the exercise after each paragraph or read through and do it at your own pace.
Start with sight. Observe what’s around you. Let your neck & head move naturally, slowly, as you take in your space. Notice where your gaze lingers; notice how it feels in your body. Acknowledge each thing you see. Be curious.
You can stay with sight as long as you’d like, but when you’re ready, let’s explore touch. Start with the fabric of your clothes. Notice its texture, if it’s smooth, silky, or more course. Move naturally to another texture, your hair or the skin on your arm, for example. Notice how it differs. Notice how you feel in your body. Continue to explore the textures around you, as many as you can. Be curious.
Now it’s your pick. Try another sense -- sound, smell, or taste -- whatever is available to you. Explore and be curious. Notice how you feel.
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