Anxiety Can Be Overwhelming. Luckily, There's An Antidote

This week, 'Therapy Begins with T(ea)' steeps on the antidote to anxiety and offers a full body check-in to help you practice curiosity in your day-to-day.

Therapy Begins with T(ea) is a weekly newsletter based on the themes that come up in my sessions as a therapist who specializes in conflict & attachment in romantic relationships, shame & imposter syndrome, and our psychological relationships with money. Each week consists of a 'steep' in thought reflection, an accompanying body based check-in, and tea card intentions for the week to come. Its intended use is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment.

'Steep' in Thought (3-5 min)

When stillness makes you feel more (not less) Anxious...

To wrap up this theme of stillness, let’s talk about the uncomfortable truth of what sometimes happens when we’re actually still. When we slow down, when we stop and take a breath, the uncertainties in our life can overwhelm us. Our ghosts -- the things we’re avoiding, decisions we’ve postponed, emotions we’re afraid to engage with -- catch back up once we stop moving and doing. It can feel pretty threatening (remember that uncertainty is our biggest existential discomfort as human beings and we spend our lives trying to negotiate it). So if stillness brings us to uncertainty, where do we go from there?

Luckily, as is true for most natural things in this world, we’ve been gifted a remedy: curiosity. Uncertainty often brings up doubt, fear, and anxiety; it makes us want to recoil, withhold, and avoid. Curiosity, however, fosters an opposite (and therefore positive) experience confronting the unknown in that it propels us forward rather than holds us back.

The antidote to Anxiety

When our nervous system is in stress/danger mode, our brain still associates uncertainty with threat and harm, so our anxiety kicks in to high gear to try to eliminate uncertainty as quickly as possible (through catastrophizing, ruminating, avoiding, etc.). Yet when we feel safe in our body, uncertainty can also yield opportunity & enrichment. When we’re safe, we are able to remember that uncertainty gives us choice and agency too.

TLDR: if stillness brings up uncertainty for you, try being curious. Remember that uncertainty lives in our brains, curiosity in our bodies. Safety and curiosity go hand-in-hand: you can regulate yourself back to a state of safety to then access curiosity or you can try using curiosity as a way to find safety again in your body.

This week’s full body check-in is a practice in getting curious about the unknown (and noticing how it feels in the body).

Full Body Check-In (2-4 min)

Inhale slow, exhale deeper. Take a minute to sink into (and sync up to) your breath. Maybe you anchor your breath to your nose and mouth or you maybe you try a different part of your body today. Maybe you ‘feel’ your breath in the palms of your hands. Imagining the inhale of air absorbing into your palms, spreading throughout your body, and then leaving your palms again on the exhale. Notice what it feels like, what sensations you observe. If you want to explore more, try breathing through the soles of your feet now.

You’re already practicing stillness by anchoring your attention to the present moment, by observing the sensations in your body. By checking in. And if you tried breathing through your palms or the soles of your feet, you’re already practicing curiosity too.

Take a moment to notice what curiosity feels like in your body. How does it show up? Is it bold and active? Is it quiet and warm, like a gentle nudge? If you had to identify a specific place, where in your body is curiosity housed?

What emotions, sounds, images, or words show themselves to you right now while you’re accessing curiosity?

Maybe this is where you stay today. Or, if you’d like to go deeper, let’s try using this anchor of curiosity to engage with a dilemma or stress you’re experiencing in your life right now. As you bring it forward, you might feel a wave of uncertainty wash over you; let it and then call curiosity back (maybe using the words, images, part of the body from a few minutes ago). When you feel that curiosity again, apply it to your present dilemma. What are you curious about? What can you be curious about? Curiosity is a reminder of your choice and agency amidst this uncertainty. And if you’re thinking of what could go wrong, try also thinking about what could go right? What opportunities and positive outcomes could come from confronting this uncertainty?

For this week, be curious. Infuse it into your day. Notice what happens in your body and to your mood.

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